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Wednesday, July 17, 2013

LINK-UP: WHATEVER WEDNESDAYS - FIRST HEARTBREAK


Happy Wednesday, Blogland!

Shay and Alissa have come up with yet another great "Whatever Wednesday" topic.  It is a more serious one this week, one that could relate to love, loss, hardship, etc..  


I'm someone who always tries to be open and honest, and can often say too much, especially when writing or talking to someone with whom I'm comfortable, but for me it is therapy. 

So, (deep breath) here we go, and the topic this week is... 

F I R S T   H E A R T B R E A K

(image altered by moi.)


To be honest, I had to take some time with this.  See if I could share this, write this, and revisit this particular time.


I came to the conclusion, after writing, and then, erasing a few times, that the forms of heartbreak I know, where eating, sleeping and simply breathing hurts, are both still too fresh in my heart to fully write about, even 2-3 years later.


Some moments from this time have never been spoken, and as much as I am someone who can sometimes say too much, this is a little too personal.


So, instead, I'm going to touch on some of the effects they had on me, and things I learned during this time, to possibly help someone else.


It's true, some moments in life are unexpected.  A word that encompassed this time with this person for me, but in those moments you can learn, grow and find a strength you didn't know you had.


Like many say, never walk away without letting someone know you care about them, even in times when you might not be too happy with them.


It doesn't matter how young, fit or healthy you are, in a moment, and without warning, your heart could stop or an emergency could strike.


Sitting by someone's bedside in the ICU, the night of your best friend's wedding, and day in and day out to follow, and having to see them hooked up to machines with endless tubes and continuous beeping sounds, will have an affect on you...possibly forever.


Incidents like this can cause you to suddenly notice defibrillators in every airport, restaurant, store, etc., that somehow you never saw prior, and the mere sight of them can leave you feeling anxious.


Having to start fresh, in some aspects, due to a person no longer having memory of some crucial moments, will not always fix them or make things better in the long run, it's like pushing dirt under the rug.


Trying to believe that a life changing event happened for a reason, in hopes the event will have a positive affect on the person and their outlook on life, can lead to disappointment.  Especially, when the complete opposite occurs, and for the worse.


When someone who is about to be your forever, looks you in the eye, with a very cold stare and says, "I have nothing to be happy about," it will cause your willingness to continue trying to dissipate.  Particularly, when your instincts and heart have been telling you it hasn't been right for some time...always trust them.


You can't always stay with someone simply because you don't want to give up on them or you feel stuck.  When it is no longer healthy for you, it is best to close the chapter, and find the happiness you both deserve elsewhere, while being thankful for all it taught you.


I believe so strongly in patience, positivity, a smile and seeing the best in others and situations, with a true love for life, people and travel, and now know, without a doubt, that I need, and deserve, that in the person who stands by my side for the rest of my adventure here. 

Ultimately, what I learned most from this heartbreaking time is...


CPR can, and does, save lives.


Thank you, dad, for saving his.


AND


"Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same."


No matter how different he and I may be, hopefully, today, he has freed himself from negativity, found patience, and embraced more kindness towards himself and the world...he deserves it and happiness.



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14 comments :

  1. This makes my heart break for you. You've been through so much and just come out stronger in the end... and from what I know, have been such an amazing girlfriend <3

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    1. Thank you, Lindsay, this all means far more to me than you know! <3

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  2. "...when your instincts and heart have been telling you it hasn't been right for some time...always trust them."

    I agree 100% with this. I trust my instincts above anything else and they never let me down.

    Great post - thanks for linking up :)

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  3. I totally agree with this-- it's so important to always let people know how you feel about them. You never know!! :)

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  4. I agree with all of these, especially about your instincts. So many times I have gone against them, and in the end always end up regretting it. Glad that you came out on other side, stronger and a better person (so it seems).

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  5. Yes, yes and yes. This was beautiful and as painful as it all sounds, you did the absolute right things.

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  6. I love this, so. I love reading anything purely honest and even if withholding it is simply beautiful.. "Like many say, never walk away without letting someone know you care about them, even in times when you might not be too happy with them." Oh how much kinder I must be with goodbyes. Oh how I must.

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  7. Well, you broke my heart with this. It really brought tears to my eyes- you conveyed the emotions so well and beautifully. I am in the middle of a heartbreak with no closure, but your words are comforting. It is helpful to know that we are not alone in our pain, we are not alone in heartbreak. We can gain strength from seeing it in others.

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  8. Honestly this post brought tears to my eyes. It makes me feel you so much close and admire your strength.
    I pray you find that perfect person you deserve soon and that he will have the strength, courage, love, passion you do.
    Love you friend and alway know that the best is yet to come.

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  9. I had chills the whole time I read this and my heart hurts again remembering what an exciting time it was when he proposed, etc. It's funny how I can fall in love with a couple that I have never met in real life, and how my heart can hurt for you because I know that your heart hurts. Blogging is a crazy thing :)
    I still don't know the story to the end of that chapter (it sounds like an intense one) but I just want to say, again, I am so sorry! But I look up to you SO much! It's amazing that you have been able to stay so upbeat and happy, so sweet and brave! You picked your life up and moved across the country to continue living an amazing life! I don't know if I would have had the strength! You truly are an inspiration!

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  10. oooh my gosh. maybe you almost made me cry with this one. Lump in the throat right now.

    I feel like heartbreaks mold us into who we need to be. And if we can leave the situation with a different view and maybe learn something from it? Then all that pain and heart ache wasn't in vain.

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  11. Wow...Im a bit lost with this but girl you are so strong for writing such an amazing post. Brought me to tears. Your instincts are always right. no matter what!
    sending you hugs!
    xx
    b

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  12. Beautifully written. It must have been so hard to put these feelings into words and to share with others--but you did an amazing job. I'm so sorry you had to go through such heartbreak and pain and I'm amazed with your positive outlook on love and life. On a terrible side note...I can relate to those beeping sounds in hospitals... My sister recently passed away and whenever I hear beeping, it instantly makes me think of the hospital and all that has happened. Please know that you continue to be in my thoughts and prayers!

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  13. Great post. This really spoke to me. Especially this line: "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same." - So hard for me to wrap my head around these days. One day at a time!

    cheshirekatblog.com

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by Liesl Ehardt