Want to check in with each of you and do a little writing. It, along with music and long, authentic, raw, deep, unedited and real conversation, though only ever shared with a select few, act as therapy for me.
Things in my life are still changing and rearranging.
As I said in my Life: The Importance Of Transparency While Finding Your Own Direction post, which the incredible writer Melissa Blake linked to as "wise words on the future" on her inspiring So About What I Said... blog, it's about the steps you take.
No matter how small of a step you take, making it is key in moving forward and finding a better direction. Ultimately, who knows where it may lead. Good or bad, it is bound to teach you something, too.
Each day, I think I'm working towards finding my true purpose. As I've said before, I want to make a difference in this world and help others or it simply isn't worth it to me.
I realize this might sound like a pageant answer, as I expressed to someone yesterday over brunch, but it is honestly how I feel and what makes me genuinely happy in this world, along with the ability to smile.
I truly believe we are each here for a reason. Though, I'm not sure we ever know specifically what that reason is. Perhaps, it's one of those "when you know, you know" concepts in life.
That said, I'll admit that there have been times when I thought "I knew," be it in a relationship, career, location, etc., only to realize I actually didn't. Sadly, the more often this happens, the more you question, and less you trust, yourself and your feelings.
All this said, age has helped me gain a better sense of self and what it is I want in life. In this past year, specifically, I have learned A LOT about myself, including patterns I repeat, and I am grateful for that knowledge and the strength it brings.
Hardest part in better understanding transparency, myself and what I truly want, is realizing that each is not easily gained, but it's said that "nothing worth having in life comes easy."
Even harder is knowing that the thing I wish for most might never happen for me. It's not in my hands, and I'm working on accepting that..."what will be, will be." Though it's hard not to see that time, in some respects, is running out. Reality is reality and with it comes some anxiety and sleepless nights.
At the end of the day, I won't settle, I no longer make definitive plans or put too much of a timeline on things. I'm continuing to live in the moment, as best as possible, for quality of life and time with those who mean the most to me while I still have it.
Seeing a number of people I know lose loved ones over the past few months enforces the importance of the above. People seem to be passing suddenly and unexpectedly, and many at a very young age, which brings up a lot of the past for me, saddens my heart and reminds me to live fully for today.
That said, I also realize that through the uncertainty I might be feeling in life, I am still so incredibly lucky, and for that I am so, so thankful! Don't waste the time you do have, take chances and risks, no matter how scary, which is something I need to remember.
Ultimately, if it makes you happy now, in this moment, enjoy it and don't try to put a label on it or place it into the perfect box tied up with a bow. The unplanned, sometimes messy moments, are what give things character and a unique beauty..."trust the process."
Big hugs to everyone and always remember this is YOUR life and you are here to do something only you can...now, go out there and do it while continuing to discover your true self! ❤
YOU inspire me...thank you for being such a strong voice. GO FOR IT!!
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